Monday, April 6, 2009

Blessings in marriage

Now, some of you may be contemplating the pros and cons in marriage. Some may say, "Why bother....I'm satisfied with what I have now. I'm free, no one's bugging me, I do what I want.....so what the heck!! Why commit yourself to one person when I can have many more to come". These were the answers I got from a friend who is now 35, unmarried. He has all the 5 Cs and a couple more Cs to add. Lisa once discussed this topic in Blogger United's lounge, "Do you believe that marriage is an achievement in life?".....my answer is a solid YES!!!
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To some, marriage is too complicated and challenging. While some recognize that family life tied for the lifetime between a man and a woman is a good thing, it still is widely regarded as too hard in practice. Why does one regard marriage as "too hard" to commit when men could brave through storms, and risk their lives to climb Mount Everest or plunge into deep seas and prove that they could hold their breath the longest. The thrill? The adrenaline rush?
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I was once that fellow who does not believe in marriage. I made jokes about marriage, mocked those who were getting married and criticized those who were married. Why all the fuss?? What's so special about marriage? Wedding vows??? Gimme a break. Vows were meant to be broken. What happens if you suddenly felt that the person you're married with for the last 10 years was not "the" one and you wished you didn't say "I DO"? So many questionss, so little answers.
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For many, there are too many rules in marriage. You can't do this, you can't do that. You can't have this, you shan't have that. Who made these rules anyway?? God?? My answer is this. God did not put rules in marriage. Men did. God gave us brains to think and set us apart from the animals. Are there secrets to a happy marriage. The answer is a simple no. The simple truth is that there is no universal secret. There are no manuals or standardized set of governing rules set in place to ensure and happy and successful marriage. The solid, simple truth is.....your marriage is what you make it, and any rules governing your behaviours should be determined by you and your spouse.
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But of course, some simple common sense that needs to be invoked are like honesty, no cheating etc etc etc.....
"A large problem I see with the concept of marriage is the actual meaning of marriage as shared by much of the population. Too many view the ritual of marriage as a form of success and status that must be attained by a certain age, thereafter followed by children as the next logical step. Many of you have undoubtedly uttered to yourself or to acquaintances that you will soon be a certain age, so perhaps it is time to get married soon." - Scott Kessman
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And if this is your logical explanation to get married, then you're getting married for the wrong reasons. Marriage is all about strengtening that bond of love you had, to go the extra mile, to pledge your one self to that special person wholly who feels the same way towards you. One should not be seeking marriage, one should be seeking someone to love and later on follow by marriage. Many of my bachelor friends, like me before jokes that I will be in prison for my lifetime, not able to go out together for our drinking sessions, and that my life will end in bitterness.
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I say this, pity for them, for they are trapped in their tiny weeny small minds and in their own small world. I have been married not too long ago. I wouldn't say that my marriage is successful until the day I die. Yes, there are ups and downs, quarrels, bitterness, rants here and there.....but all these contributes to having a better marriage. We learn from each others' mistakes, we console each other when either one is down, we encourage each other and most importantly, we pray for each other all the time.
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Communication is a major key in a successful marriage, and it must be made at a very early point what you'd expect from the relationship. Together, you can best determine what rules, if any, that need to be applied in the relationship, and how you can co-exist happily and successfully, in love, while remaining respectful of each other's wishes.

21 comments:

cleffairy said...

*horny Clef came in a grin* HOI, marriage is a BIG achievements. Wahahahahahaha...

Seriously, who says being married cannot do this cannot do that, huh? Being married is a damn good excuse to escape nosy parents who still think you're still in diapers though you're all grown up and completely capable of taking care of yourself!

*chuckle*

I love being married. Apart from monster in laws, i wouldn't trade my status being a married woman for anything.

Calvin Soo KJ said...

clef....same here *hi five* plus we get to do overtime without feeling guilty....hahahaha

BlurryLeo said...

Marriage is indeed a blessing in many ways. it's part and parcel of life stages one should get through. if you love someone, what better way to profess and strengthen the love than marriage. haha, don't you dare say 'make love' .. if you don't have the balls for marriage, it's sex (no love involved). and girls, please dump your man if he hasn't the ball for marriage. also, who says you'll loose your freedom when you get married. total bullshit. it's a matter of trust and understanding between husband and wife. even when you have kids, you still have that freedom. i still get to hang out with friends whenever there's an invitation. the same goes to my wife.

clef: not all are monsters ler. if you have a son next time, you might be thought as one too (by his wife).. hehehe. karma strikes ^^

Miss Zane said...

As far as I'm free with the nosy parents, i'm still the in the hesitated zone..
ayayay.. it does sound fun though!! ^^

reanaclaire said...

well said, Calvin.. communication and compromising with one another makes the marriage journey easier and smoother.... i think... hehee..

Pete said...

Ha Ha, to some marriage is a very complicated subject. Depends on the angle you look at things. There are pro and cons in many decision we made in life....it depends on our priority.

cleffairy said...

Blurryleo.... lmao... who says I dun have a son? o.O My son will be fearing me instead of my daughter in law fearing me. ahahahha.... because, I'm all for girl power, will probably gang up against DIL against my son. Can go shopping, go salon, go makan makan, drag her for vacation, on son's expanse. In return, I will spoil the grandkids.Ahahahhaha, syiok.

Frankly speaking, the way to one's son is not by his stomach, but by his wife once he's married. So by hook or by crook, I'm gonna be a hippie MIL.

Now, back to the topic. I really got more freedom after married than before married. And the best thing is, I got a walking ATM machine. Ehehehhe....spoiled to death by hubby and in return, i spoiled him too. =.= We're both spoiled, but then, marriage taught us both a lot of things. We mature and grew stronger with marriage. Frankly speaking, without marriage, I AM NOBODY! If I'm not married, then I am just a normal shallow minded person who only knows how to have fun and not plan for my future. But with marriage, my horizon is efficiently expanded.

With marriage, I am complete. I'm a daughter, a wife, a mother, a supporter, and all those a woman should be, but without it, I'm just a plain mindless girl who doesn't even know the direction of her life. I might be even lost, not knowing what my priorities are.

and @ Calvin.... what kind of overtime you're tokking about, bro? LMAO....in bed kah? Ahahahahaha....if yes, then, hell yeah! Nonid feel guilty. that one if no overtime then very sien worrr!

Ai-Ling said...

very true, calvin. you need to communicate, trust, compromise and understand each other in order make a marriage work.

there's a lot of hard work involved but satisfaction is always what you get at the end of the day :)

Josephine said...

I need to learn very hard now...

Malaysian Joe said...

Marriage... yeah you can say that again.. tough issue contemplating marraige...

Been married 12 years.. I still wonder if its the right thing to do.. :).

Just kidding really... to me, my two kids are enough reasons for me to keep this marriage happy and lasting. Nothing gives me more joy than to see my kids grow up before my eyes in a happy and loving family. At the end of the day, I guess its all worth the while especially if they grow up to be successful people. Well, successful here does not mean career wise although that will be a plus point.. phew! I would not want to be footing their living expenses! LOL

GregChai said...

agree with you bro, communication and respect is important in a successful marriage

foongpc said...

I heard that married men live longer lives...provided they are happily married, of course : )

Chris said...

i still in the learning process.

Calvin Soo KJ said...

blurry, im lucky to have understanding in laws, and rachel vice versa....lol. pray i dont potray as a monster when my children gets married :P

mszane, marriage is fun. plus, we have company all the time :) try it on for size :)

clef, wah....your hubby is a walking atm?? sure pokai sooner or later...hahaha. and yes...overtime on bed. lolz

ai-ling, most people will agree to my post only after marriage. i got nanged in nn by someone coz he says i'm talking nuts....lolz. his time will come.

jo, no need to learn too hard. marriage is a learning process. you'll never learn everything till the day we die.

mjoe, same here. i think i would break down and cry should my daughter/son gets married. im kinda sensitive on these issues....lol

ungreg, *hi five*

foongpc, it depends lor.....if you wife is like "queen control" like clef, then cannot help you liao....hahahahah. clef, no hard feelings k. :)

chris, dont learn too long though. have to think of marriage anytime soon. you're an air-steward right. surely can find a beautiful stewardess... :)

amoker said...

Yeah man... i need to find a wife .. soon.

hehe

Calvin Soo KJ said...

amoker....need any help :)

Linora 'Aronil' Low said...

i really like this post and it gives an inside view to the man's perspective on marriage :) Such a romantic.. so sickeningly sweet :P

Miss Zane said...

Heu.. if it can be "tried" as in trial and error, that'd make it a tempting choice. Yet, then it's no diff then having bf.

Funny, I don't think always having a companion is fun..

kenwooi.com said...

haha nice one calvin!
enjoyed reading it, although im still too young to talk about marriage lol.. well different people have different perception on marriage and i agree with yours.. marriage IS certainly an achievement.. well not the main achievement, but it's still a great thing to do in life, isn't it? hehe..

cheers! =D

Calvin Soo KJ said...

aronil, thanks :) glad you liked it. stole some info from the net though....only a lil..hehehe

mszane, having a bf and a hubby is diff. you have to get married to understand. but since you're still young, you still have time for experiment. not too long though. :)

kenwooi, got gf yet?? if you do, then treat your gf as how you treat yourself. you'll never know , she might end up being your wife. marriage and relationships are about responsibility as well. you wouldnt want to jump in the boat if you never know where you're heading, right? cheers bro.

Lisalicious said...

hey calvin,


the reason why i posted that question was because I do not believe that marriage is an achievement in life....

simply because marriage is and has been a part of human life for a very long time ...


to me the word achievement is like, you achieved certain goal at work like a position, but achievement is not about achieving the next stage of life, which is marriage...


marriage is a part of our life... its like the next thingy to do when we are very sure about it ...

so i guess , i dun dig the achieving marriage life ...but I do dig on HAPPY AND BLISSFUL MARRIAGE is achievable, that could be the achievement :D

*gosh crapping here* haha