IKEA to take over GM

Business Update :
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Just Announced - IKEA to take over GM
IKEA HAS ANNOUNCED IT'S INTENTION TO TAKE OVER GM and TO SELL CARS. In that case, WE WILL BE IN DEEP SHIT.......................

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ALL THEY GIVE YOU IS THIS

AND YOU HAVE TO COMPLETE THIS.......

SEI MOU!!!

Weekend photography course with Nikonian Academy

Some of you may be wondering.....you're currently using a Canon 40D, why join a Nikon fler's course. Wanna be a two headed snake isit??

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The answer is simple. Canon do not have any courses available in Kuantan, and for that matter.....not in the whole East Coast region. Why?? Go ask those Canon flers. Not enough supporters? We East Coast flers not good enough for them to spend time 2 days guiding and teaching us to use your product...which is way more expensive than Nikon's btw. Any other reasons including these two to me are simply unacceptable. Having spent a huge sum of my hard earned salaries on my DSLR + lens + bag + other nifty jingles (which cost me a hefty 10 grand ok), I would expect Canon to be more pro-active. I am sure that there are many Canon DSLR users that would want a course or two in our region besides Klang Valley, Penang, Melaka and Johor. 

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Having said that, I had no choice but to join other Nikon buddies for the weekend in Duta Sands Resort, Kuantan. The course extensively covers everthing about Nikon product. The sifus ie Andrew and Sean from Nikonian Academy (both are academy directors btw) taught the how to, what to, which to, when to use different settings for different occasions. Of course, the common terms used such as ISO (pronounced as "eye-so"), aperture, shutter speed, bokeh, composition, and framing were used, so I didn't feel like a green-liquid-spongy-thingy from outer space. 

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We spent 2 days covering the aspects from Beginners to Intermediate and Flash Photography. And all I can say is......IT WAS BLARDY FUN!! I had such a marvellous time hanging around with other enthusiasts, learning and sharing with them the joys of snapping just about everything under the sun. And to top the icing, we were presented with two ahem! delicious models to shoot with.

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This is Jeslyn.......(she's much like the Jap GT babe!! *salivates*)

and this is Angeline (at 1st glance, I thought she was a Malay. She's actually of Chinese-Indian heritage, which explains her beautiful facial bone structure *drools*)

and here are some of my favourite shots taken during the course...enjoy!!

and last but not least check out my flickr for more shots of these two beautiful ladies :)

check out my flickr for more shots of these two beautiful ladies :)

Potong Zakar.....yeowww!!!

It's TGIF y'all.....yuuhoo!!!. What's better than to share a joke with my fellow bloggers. I know that this was circulated thru emails for some time now, but reading it again always makes me laugh till my stomach hurts. Cheers and have a yeahooo!!! weekend :)

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Two old friends - a Chinaman and a Malay were having a conversation recently ....

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Apek : Lu potong zaka ada bagut ka?

Ali : Manyak bagus woh. Bila lu potong haa, lu punya barang manyak bersih loo...

Apek: err ... saya kawan ala cakap, potong zaka aaahh.... manyak ploblem..

Ali: Apa problem?

Apek: Manyak buang lui, lagi aah... dia punya performance tadak bagut... manyak cinang semputloh...tadak power wor...

Ali: Cehh... apek, lu apa cerita... saya suda lama potong. tada apa problem... bini saya manyak puas woo...

Apek: Lu mini puas sama itu potong zaka ka?

Ali: Ya laa. Bila lu potong aahh... lagi sedap main woo.. lu lagi lambat pancut..

Apek: err.... lu punya 1.3 atau 1.5??

Ali: Woi apek. Lu cakap baik-baik sikit ha ... saya punya 6 inci laa..

Apek: Tiu nia ma... lu jangan main-main haa... mana ada potong zaka 6 inci..

Ali: Celaka punya apek...nah tengok (opens his trousers).

Apek: Chee sin punya olang.....gua tanya baik-baik ... lu tunjuk lupunya lanchiau..!!#$%!&

Ali: Abis... lu tadak percaya..saya tunjuk la..

Apek: Saya tadak tanya sama lu punya lanchiau... Saya tanya pasal itu nasi-onal car... Potong Zaka.. bolo punya olang..

Ali: Aiya... apek... lain kali lu sebut betul-betul la....kasi susah saja. Bukan potong zaka la....Proton Saga lah.

Check your poo..

I received this from my wife last week. Kinda funny, but interesting. In ancient China, traditional doctors would often check the quality of poo of the royalties especially their Emperor. if you've watched the movie "The Last Emperor", you would know what I am talking about. So, which are you?

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Sorry for the blur image. Here's an extract for the scores :-

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IF YOU SCORE

7 to 9 points.....................You are quite healthy.

10 to 12 points................Be careful about what you eat everyday. Take more dietary fibres.

13 to 14 points.................Warning !! If these conditions continue long, you should see a doctor.

Plastic surgery....

As the world evolves, people are not contented by the way they look, how they smell and how they dress. And in a dog eats dog world, everyone seemed to be competing with each other on just about everything.

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Facelifts are common nowadays. Plastic surgery is so cheap in some parts of the world, that you'd want to change your whole body, top to toe......take Michael Jackson for instance. All I can remember of him from the past is his shrieking voice and dance "crotch hugging" style. Why would one want to go through so much pain and agony just to be beautiful when you are actually made perfect in God's sight. Months and month of agonizing sleepless nights and torture.....I wonder.

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Now, I would like to share a joke on this. Take time to read and have a good laugh.

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A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?"

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God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."

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Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth!

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Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

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Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 43 years to live? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"

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And God replied, "Oh......I didn't recognize you"

The world loves black

I love black, my wife loves black, mosquitoe loves black......we all love black. Black is the colour that never dies down in fashion. Many colours were obtained by adding black. Black is also official the favourite colour of the world. Why am I saying this?? Scroll down and you'll find out.

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The President of The United States is black.....Barack Obama

The Head of US Republican National Committee is black.....Michael Steele

The best known media mogul is black.....Oprah Winfrey

The greatest golfer in the world is black.....Tiger Woods

The top female tennis players in the world is black.....Williams sisters

The highest grossing actor in the world is black.....Will Smith

The fastest racing driver in the world is black....Tim Hamilton

The brightest Astophysicist under the sun is black.....Neil deGrasse Tyson

The Superbowl-winning Head Coach is black......Mike Tomlin of the Pittsburgh Steelers

The most successful brain surgeon in the world is black.....Dr Ben Carson

The fastest man on earth is black.....Usain Bolt

Michael Jackson must be kicking himself...hard. But then again, can we consider him "Black..or white?.....*singing* he's black he's white.....yeah yeah yeah!!!

Rainman in the Star Metro

I got a phone call early this morning from a brother (Eddy) from Church.

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Eddy : Bro, still asleep ar?

Me : Yalar.....why? *snort*

Eddy : Which newspaper do you read ar?

Me : The Star.....zzzzzzzzz

Eddy : Go and check out Metro's centrefold.

Me : What for??

Eddy : Aiya.....go check out lar. Ok, go back to sleep.

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Dragging my half dead legs, I went downstairs to look for the paper, and lo and behold, yours truly's humongous face was featured there. The article reads "Bringing Life to Easter Festivity". Most of the pictures were the children painting easter eggs and mine was with the choir. We call ourselves Wesley Methodist Church Immanuel Choir. You could also check The Star Online > Metro South East > last article (but the picture of Rainman can only be found in the papers). Go check it out, if you're not too lazy :)

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Here's some of the pictures that were taken during our Church's Easter Cantata.

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30 strong Wesley Methodist Church Kuantan's Immanuel Choir

I was singing tenor

See, see.....me again :) I think I was the youngest in the group *grins*

Immanuel Choir's groupie shot with Pastor Joshua

The three stooges, from left : Me, Francis and Jessel

All in all, in was a fantastic event. The groupie was really anxious a day earlier coz practice was far from good. Pastor reminded us that this Easter Cantata is not merely a performance. It was our own worship to God. We sang our heart out, did a good job and I believe, God did touched some souls out there. There was a song entitled "Calvary Was For Me" and we featured a clip from The Passion Of Christ. It was a heartfelt worship altogether and we just couldn't wait for Christmas's Cantata. Have a blessed weekend :)

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In His great mercy He has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead..."1 Peter 1:3

More from Ah Beng....

The heat was up this morning, and I've managed to cool off by intentionally making myself busy with work and having tea with my clients. At least for a while. The series of unfortunate events this morning left me with additional investments from my clients today, and I managed to exceed my monthly target. So, I'm kinda cheerful now. So......let's pull off the gloomy faced Rainman and bring back my keraazzeeeee self with more posts on jokes. These brought back my jolli-ness, and I hope it does the same for you :-

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Ah Beng bought a new mobile.

He sent a message to everyone from his phone book and it reads "My mobile no has changed. Earlier, it was Nokia 3310...now it is 6610."

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Ah Beng : I am very proud. My son is in Medical College.

Friend : Oh really. Congratulations. What is he studying?

Ah Beng : He is not studying, they are studying him.

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Ah Beng : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football everynight.

Doctor : It's not serious. Take this tablet and you will be ok.

Ah Beng : Can I take it tomorrow? Today is the finals.

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Ah Beng : If I die, will you remarry?

Wife : No. I will stay with my sister....but if I die, would you remarry?

Ah Beng : No, I will also stay with your sister.

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Ah Beng : Seng, people consider me as "GOD".

Ah Seng : Oh really, why is that?

Ah Beng : I went to the park again this evening, everybody said "Oh my God....You Again??!"

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Ah Beng complained to the police, "All items in my house is missing, except for my TV." The police said "How can that be?" Ah Beng replied "I was watching news on TV."

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How do you reconize Ah Beng in school?

He is the one who erases all the notes from his book, when the teacher erases the board.

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Once, Ah Beng had a glove on one hand and not the other. So, a man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand, it would be hot.

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Ah Beng : Go and water the plants!!

Servant : But it is raining.

Ah Beng : So what?? Take an umbrella and go!!

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A friend asked Ah Beng, why Pak Lah (Ahmad Badawi) goes jogging in the evening and not in the morning. Ah Beng replied "Becoz Ahmad Badawi is PM not AM....haih!!"

A thousand apologies

This post has been taken down to give face to my beloved wife and my mom in law. Dear, I'm sorry if I had given you a hard time explaining this post to your mum and sis, and I deeply regret it. This verse came into my mind and I would want to share it :-

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"Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others" Colossians 3:12-13

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God has shown me that venting one's fury and frustration over spilled milk is unGodly and we deserve better. If one loves another, issues like this would not appear. 

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So to my sis in law, this is what I would want to share with you :-

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"Don't have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels.  And the Lord's servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful" 2 Timothy 2:23-24

Kids are quick..

Children are so interesting and innocent. But sometimes, one would just want to strangle them on the spot with their answers. But come to think of it, were we as innocent and mischievious as these children when we were young? You may have received this funny mail before, but it is good to share a laugh or two with all of you. Enjoy!!

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Teacher : Maria, go to the map and find where North America is located?

Maria : Here it is.

Teacher : Correct. Now class, who discovered North America?

Class : MARIA !!!!

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Teacher : John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor??

John : You told me to do it without using the tables!!

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Teacher : Glenn, how do you spell crocodile?

Glenn : K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L

Teacher : No. That is wrong.

Glenn : Maybe it is wrong. But you asked me how I spelled it.

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Teacher : Donald, what is the chemical formula for water??

Donald : HIJKLMNO

Teacher : What are you talking about?

Donald : Yesterday, you said it's H to O.

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Teacher : Winnie, name me one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago?

Winnie : ME!!

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Teacher : James, why do you always get so dirty?

James : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

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Teacher : Milly, give me a sentence starting with "i".

Milly : "i" is......

Teacher : No Milly. Always say "I am...."

Milly : Ok. "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet".

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Teacher : George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?

Louie : Because George still had the axe in his hand.

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Teacher : Now Simon. Tell me frankly. Do you say prayers before eating?

Simon : No sir, I don't have to. My mum's a good cook.

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Teacher : Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?

Clyde : No ma'am...it's the same dog.

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Teacher : Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

Harold : A TEACHER !!

The expectant father

How will you react after knowing that you're going to be a father? Or rather, what is expected of you after becoming one?

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One's answer would differ from each other. However, there are some predictable reactions, for example, after witnessing the birth of your child, most men would declare "That was the most amazing experience of my life." Alternatively, most parents would melt the first time they rocked his/her child in their arms. The father had to play a big role in his child's upbringing, failing which would end up in the child's catastrophy.

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It is possible, and perfectly natural that doubts would arise in a man. He may dread that excessive involvement of a father in a child's life doesn't fit in with his mental picture of how a child should be brought up. This issue should not suprise anyone, especially the bigotries that have been so rife in our human society.

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These are the same fears of "going against the grain" can also cause a mental torment for a man who wants to be involved in the tasks that have traditionally belonged to the mother eg bathing the baby, throwing away dirty diapers, feeding etc. 

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The very important thing to remember is that with the exception of the childbirth and breastfeeding, there isn't anything done by the mother that cannot be done by the father. I've noticed that there are several types of fathers, in this case I would only categorize them in three parts......The Instructor, The Worshipper & The Helper.

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1. The Instructor

This is the typical Cina Apek type of father who only knows how to instruct his wife into doing stuff around the house as well as taking care of the baby. All he knows is making money to support the family. Being categorized as The Instructor does not mean you're a bad father. It is just that you are a stereotyped kinda guy who goes with the wind and believes that taking care of a child is the job of a woman. Well, my advise is.....take time to get involved in raising your child. The child needs a father, not a banker. If you truly need time to be away from home, make sure the time spent and shared with your family are memorable. There is no substitute for the quality of your time. Taking time off with your family also means that you'll get to know your child closer and understand the character of your child.

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2. The Worshipper

This one has got no idea whatsoever. Whatever the wife does, he is in agreement, although he knows that it is not right. He simply says yes to everything. He also spents most of his time at work, busy working up late reason being to garner more salary for the family and mostly ignore the problems at home. "My wife does it all. She is a superwoman." In spite of this admirable intention, there are no new born babies that need the best of material things. What the child needs is to have your attention. Again, this type of father is not a bad father. He just needs to know when to step in, or rather when to be authoritative. Disciplining the child is both the parent's role, not only from one parent.

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3. The Helper

This one know how to segregate his time from work and family. He know what's best for the family and spends quality time, in order to get involved in his child's upbringing. He shares the task of taking care of the baby late at night, helps his wife in every way he can. He plans weekly excursions for the family, especially with the infants and older children, and make sure that this is their time and tell them how much he looks forward for these moments. This is the type of father I would love to become. With much prayer and God's guidance, I know I can.

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So folks, it is all up to you. Which type of father would you like to become. I cannot say any of the type is wrong. It could be that in the beginning you need to dedicate some extra time to learn new jobs. You may need to get up during the night or you may lose a few nights of sleep. There are plenty of hoops to jump through, but the rewards are there to be taken. There is no substitute to observing your child's early development with your own eyes, and there is no greather satisfaction greater than knowing that you have contributed and played an active part of it. 

Women as explained by Engineers

There was a topic shared before in the BloggerUnited lounge. Which would you prefer....a doctor, a lawyer or an engineer. Personally, I wouldn't go for any coz all three has complications of its own. I'd go for a banker.....like me :P 

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However, when it comes down to evaluation and analyzing a complicated subject matter....say a woman, an engineer would be of good use. Now, many things in life are simple, but these flers made it look convoluted. I'm so gonna get bruised tonight...... :P 

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P.S. Dear......I still love you more than anything.... :)

Smartass answers

It was mealtime during an airline flight, "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. "What are my choices?" asked John. "A simple YES or NO would be fine", replied the flight attendant.

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A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.

As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.

Without missing a beat, she said "Sir, I need to see your ticket, NOT your stub!!"

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A lady was picking thought the frozen turkeys at a grocery store but she couldnt find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied "No ma'am....they're all dead."

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The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day" said the police officer. The kid replied  "Yeah. Well I got here as fast as I could." When the police officer finally stopped laughing , he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

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A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that reads "Low Bridge Ahead". Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles. 

Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and said "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver answered "No. I was delivering this bridge and my truck ran out of gas."

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A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam . "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"

A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class was reduced to laughter and snickering.

When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

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A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror . She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, "I feel horrible. I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."

The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

Discover the Rainman...

OMG!!! OMG !!! OMG!!! OMG!!! My good buddy Lee posted these photos on FB. These photos were taken more than 10 years ago, with me looking dead thin...not so prosperous, so to speak :P

from left to right :- Ah Miao (keyboard), Lee (bass), myself (drums), Ah Yan (guitars), Ah Hou (lead vocals), Ah Chun (lead guitarist) and the only female in our group See Wan (keyboards)......see, back then i have a neck...lolz

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This was the original band I was with. We named ourselves "Ablaze"...kinda sound like a Cina Apek band. We joined Guinness Canto Rock back in 1995 and got 4th placing nationwide. Not bad for 6 lalas and 1 ah lian from Kuantan....hahaha. The MC mispronounced our name as "Ah-Bla-Zee"...and so we were known as that. The group disbanded though. Both the keyboardists were kidnapped to God knows where, and the rest of us are semi-retired. We do get together once in a while banging our heads off. All of us are married now, except for Lee who's getting engaged later this year. 

The four Ah Peks during rehearsals in Ah Lau's studio called Melody Music & Sound located in Kompleks Teruntum. I wasn't in the picture though coz I took the picture. See the date of the pic.....11 Dec 1995. Gosh...how time flies. Back then, we had to settle with borrowing the guitars from Ah Lau. Now, we all have our own little instruments.

Me and Lee during the Bank's family trip to Genting. Damn....I was thin. So was Lee. Notice my lala sunglasses bought for RM10 from Temerloh. Good deal ma....buy one free one..hahaha

When we were still bujang-ing....we often celebrate our birthdays together. Lee's was on the 5th and mine was ont he 4th August. This was taken during our birthday karaoke session. Notice the hair......back then, it was the in thing to do...middle partition...hahaha. 

And now look at us.....Lee was my bestman last 28 June. And I have no neck....wth!! Hair also getting balder......hahahaha. 

....and now we named ourselves The Uncle Band. This was during my wedding dinner. The band played....for free of course. We invited a keyboardist Chee Keong (yellow shirt) and Edmund "Siu Fu" (with the Liverpool shirt....yuck!!)

The new addition to the band was of course my darling wife Rachel, who is just a fanatic fan. :) Thanks darling for sticking up with my drums banging almost every night. And oh....I've taken up bass now. So not so much of noise pollution. 

Blessings in marriage

Now, some of you may be contemplating the pros and cons in marriage. Some may say, "Why bother....I'm satisfied with what I have now. I'm free, no one's bugging me, I do what I want.....so what the heck!! Why commit yourself to one person when I can have many more to come". These were the answers I got from a friend who is now 35, unmarried. He has all the 5 Cs and a couple more Cs to add. Lisa once discussed this topic in Blogger United's lounge, "Do you believe that marriage is an achievement in life?".....my answer is a solid YES!!!

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To some, marriage is too complicated and challenging. While some recognize that family life tied for the lifetime between a man and a woman is a good thing, it still is widely regarded as too hard in practice. Why does one regard marriage as "too hard" to commit when men could brave through storms, and risk their lives to climb Mount Everest or plunge into deep seas and prove that they could hold their breath the longest. The thrill? The adrenaline rush?

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I was once that fellow who does not believe in marriage. I made jokes about marriage, mocked those who were getting married and criticized those who were married. Why all the fuss?? What's so special about marriage? Wedding vows??? Gimme a break. Vows were meant to be broken. What happens if you suddenly felt that the person you're married with for the last 10 years was not "the" one and you wished you didn't say "I DO"? So many questionss, so little answers.

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For many, there are too many rules in marriage. You can't do this, you can't do that. You can't have this, you shan't have that. Who made these rules anyway?? God?? My answer is this. God did not put rules in marriage. Men did. God gave us brains to think and set us apart from the animals. Are there secrets to a happy marriage. The answer is a simple no. The simple truth is that there is no universal secret. There are no manuals or standardized set of governing rules set in place to ensure and happy and successful marriage. The solid, simple truth is.....your marriage is what you make it, and any rules governing your behaviours should be determined by you and your spouse.

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But of course, some simple common sense that needs to be invoked are like honesty, no cheating etc etc etc.....

"A large problem I see with the concept of marriage is the actual meaning of marriage as shared by much of the population. Too many view the ritual of marriage as a form of success and status that must be attained by a certain age, thereafter followed by children as the next logical step. Many of you have undoubtedly uttered to yourself or to acquaintances that you will soon be a certain age, so perhaps it is time to get married soon." - Scott Kessman

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And if this is your logical explanation to get married, then you're getting married for the wrong reasons. Marriage is all about strengtening that bond of love you had, to go the extra mile, to pledge your one self to that special person wholly who feels the same way towards you. One should not be seeking marriage, one should be seeking someone to love and later on follow by marriage. Many of my bachelor friends, like me before jokes that I will be in prison for my lifetime, not able to go out together for our drinking sessions, and that my life will end in bitterness.

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I say this, pity for them, for they are trapped in their tiny weeny small minds and in their own small world. I have been married not too long ago. I wouldn't say that my marriage is successful until the day I die. Yes, there are ups and downs, quarrels, bitterness, rants here and there.....but all these contributes to having a better marriage. We learn from each others' mistakes, we console each other when either one is down, we encourage each other and most importantly, we pray for each other all the time.

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Communication is a major key in a successful marriage, and it must be made at a very early point what you'd expect from the relationship. Together, you can best determine what rules, if any, that need to be applied in the relationship, and how you can co-exist happily and successfully, in love, while remaining respectful of each other's wishes.

Up, up and away...the English test.

Lovers of the English language might enjoy this. It is yet another example of why people learning English have trouble with the language. Learning the nuances of English makes it a difficult language. (But then, that's probably true of many languages.)

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There is a two-letter word in English that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that word is 'UP'. It is listed in the dictionary as being used as an [adv], [prep], [adj], [n] or [v].

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It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP, and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends and we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has a real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.

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To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special. And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.

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We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!

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To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP , look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4 of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.

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If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP . When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP.

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When it rains, it wets UP the earth. When it does not rain for awhile, things dry UP. One could go on & on, but I'll wrap it UP , for now........my time is UP , so time to shut UP!

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Oh..one more thing: What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at night? U------ P--
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Don't screw UP. Now I'll shut UP!!

Want a job with the FBI??

....and since finding a job in the US is scarce nowadays, why not try for an opening as an assassin for the Federal Bureau of Investigations. Or better yet, in Malaysia you could try your hand in the ISA dept. Got no brains one.....hehehehe. Here's to brighten up yer day a lil......

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The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews And testing were done, there were 3 finalists; Two men and a woman.

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of The men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your Instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting In a chair .. . . Kill her!!"

The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."

The agent said, "Then you're not the right man For this job. Take your wife and go home."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was \quiet for a bout 5 minutes.

The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, But I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have the guts for what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.

"This gun is loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chairs."
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MORAL OF THE STORY :-
Women are crazy. Don't mess with them, you'll end up being killed...muahahaha

Stay healthy....some tips

Now here's some good tips to stay healthy all the time. No, booze is out of the question. What was it again?...No, junk food is not healthy food. I'm not talking about food intake. It's the dos' and don'ts' in life. Okay, let's stay focus on the subject at hand. There was a research done at some place, by some clever people, some time ago. In order to stay healthy, these are what you need to do.....(I've highlighted some of my personal favourites!!)

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Health:

1...Drink plenty of water.

2...Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.

3...Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.

4...Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.

5...Make time for prayer (I'm no angel, but hey it really does work. Test God for his blessings, and He will surely answer you)

6...Play more games/sports.

7...Read more books than you did in 2008.

8...Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.

9...Sleep for at least 7 hours.

10...Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day. And while you walk, smile (but don't tersengih only lar. People will say you're crazy)

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Personality:

11...Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

12...Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

13...Don't over do. Keep your limits.

14...Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

15...Don't waste your precious energy on gossip (ladies?? *hints*)

16...Dream more while you are awake.

17...Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

18...Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.

19...Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.

20...Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

21...No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

22...Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

23...Smile and laugh more.

24...You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

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Society:

25...Call your family often.

26...Each day give something good to others.

27...Forgive everyone for everything.

28...Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.

29...Try to make at least three people smile each day.

30...What other people think of you is none of your business.

31...Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

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Life:

32...Do the right thing!

33...Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

34...GOD heals everything.

35...However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

36...No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

37...The best is yet to come.

38...When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.

39...Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy. Smile!