"Tis the season to be Chinese....

.....and since being a Chinese and all, why not share some clean jokes about our beautiful language. No, I'm not talking about Mandarin (coz I suck at it), how about some Cantonese. For some of you who really, really wants to learn Cantonese, go have a REAL tutor coz yours truly is a half past six Chinese. For my Malay colleagues, they call me a Cina Murtad (apostate), for the Chinese, I am a banana, for the Indians.....I REALLY have no idea. If you wanna know more about the origins of the language, go click here.

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Now, the Chinese language is rather complicated as there are 4 tones to choose from. Be careful not to pronounce the tones wrongly. You may end up getting a tight slap or a kick in your groin. I for one have the tendency to say the wrong words at the wrong time. I really admire some "Orang Putehs" in Taiwan featured in the talk shows. They can really converse in fluent Mandarin. I can only say "Ni How Mah" and "Ni Se Mo Ming" and the best-est of all #$$%!!&! I know most of you can sms in "Piyin" so here are some you may or may not use while sms-ing.

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Learn the Chinese language in 5 minutes :-

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1. That's not right... - Sum Ting Wong (something wrong?)
2. Are you harboring a fugitive?... - Hu Yu Hai Ding? (who you hiding?)
3. See me ASAP... - Kum Hia Nao (come here now)
4. Stupid Man... - Dum Gai (dumb guy)
5. Small Horse... - Tai Ni Po Ni (tiny pony)
6. Did you go to the beach?... - Wai Yu So Tan? (why you so tan)
7. I bumped into a coffee table... - Ai Bang Mai Ni (i bang my knee)
8. I think you need a face lift... - Chin Tu Fat (chin too fat)
9. It's very dark in here... - Wai So Dim? (why so dim)
10. I thought you were on a diet... - Wai Yu Mun Ching? (why you munching)
11. This is a tow away zone... - No Pah King (no parking)
12. Our meeting is scheduled for next week... - Wai Yu Kum Nao? (why you come now)
13. Staying out of sight... - Lei Ying Lo (laying low)
14. He's cleaning his automobile... - Wa Shing Ka (washing car)
15. Your body odor is offensive... - Yu Stin Ki Pu (you stinky poo)

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For the Chinese, being married at this time of year is a pain in the ass.....especially when it's the 1st year of marriage. Rachel and I had to fork out our hard earned money to give away "Ang Pows" to our unmarried family members, relatives and friends. So, for some of my friends who are still bachelors and bachelorettes, I A'INT OPENING MY HOUSE THIS YEAR!!! LET ME SLEEP IN PEACE!!! muahahahahahah

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*singing*.....CHIEN PU KOU YONG...warrghhhhhhhh!!!!!