Friday, January 23, 2009

"Tis the season to be Chinese....

.....and since being a Chinese and all, why not share some clean jokes about our beautiful language. No, I'm not talking about Mandarin (coz I suck at it), how about some Cantonese. For some of you who really, really wants to learn Cantonese, go have a REAL tutor coz yours truly is a half past six Chinese. For my Malay colleagues, they call me a Cina Murtad (apostate), for the Chinese, I am a banana, for the Indians.....I REALLY have no idea. If you wanna know more about the origins of the language, go click here.
Now, the Chinese language is rather complicated as there are 4 tones to choose from. Be careful not to pronounce the tones wrongly. You may end up getting a tight slap or a kick in your groin. I for one have the tendency to say the wrong words at the wrong time. I really admire some "Orang Putehs" in Taiwan featured in the talk shows. They can really converse in fluent Mandarin. I can only say "Ni How Mah" and "Ni Se Mo Ming" and the best-est of all #$$%!!&! I know most of you can sms in "Piyin" so here are some you may or may not use while sms-ing.
Learn the Chinese language in 5 minutes :-
1. That's not right... - Sum Ting Wong (something wrong?)
2. Are you harboring a fugitive?... - Hu Yu Hai Ding? (who you hiding?)
3. See me ASAP... - Kum Hia Nao (come here now)
4. Stupid Man... - Dum Gai (dumb guy)
5. Small Horse... - Tai Ni Po Ni (tiny pony)
6. Did you go to the beach?... - Wai Yu So Tan? (why you so tan)
7. I bumped into a coffee table... - Ai Bang Mai Ni (i bang my knee)
8. I think you need a face lift... - Chin Tu Fat (chin too fat)
9. It's very dark in here... - Wai So Dim? (why so dim)
10. I thought you were on a diet... - Wai Yu Mun Ching? (why you munching)
11. This is a tow away zone... - No Pah King (no parking)
12. Our meeting is scheduled for next week... - Wai Yu Kum Nao? (why you come now)
13. Staying out of sight... - Lei Ying Lo (laying low)
14. He's cleaning his automobile... - Wa Shing Ka (washing car)
15. Your body odor is offensive... - Yu Stin Ki Pu (you stinky poo)
For the Chinese, being married at this time of year is a pain in the ass.....especially when it's the 1st year of marriage. Rachel and I had to fork out our hard earned money to give away "Ang Pows" to our unmarried family members, relatives and friends. So, for some of my friends who are still bachelors and bachelorettes, I A'INT OPENING MY HOUSE THIS YEAR!!! LET ME SLEEP IN PEACE!!! muahahahahahah
*singing*.....CHIEN PU KOU YONG...warrghhhhhhhh!!!!!


Pete said...

Ha ha, Happy New Year of the OX and many ox babies soon, so you will need the sleep and rest now! Angpau big big lai! LOL

Josephine said...

this one
8. I think you need a face lift... - Chin Tu Fat (cut hair in Cantonese)

I think it is suppose to be "Chin too Fat" that's y need face lift...

suituapui said...

Kawin already, have to give ang pao liao!!! So kedekut! Reminds me of that Scrooge in !A Christmas Carol"! LOL!!!

vanilla said...

haha! very funny! i think i've read a filipino version of this, but yours is better and funnier!


Ai-Ling said...

lol. i love this post. i'm gonna recommend this post to my hubby :D :D

Calvin Soo KJ said...

pete, ox babies very enuff for the year :)

josephine, thanks. already changed.

stp, not kedekut lar. pocket getting thinner and thinner. own recession le...

vanilla, glad you liked it :)

ai-ling, lol. recommend it to everyone. cheers :)

cleffairy said...

Ladies and gentlemen, Cleffairy hereby announce that she would like to join Calvin.... Dudes, I ain't opening my damned house this year...kindsly ask angpow elsewhere... I am very very pok kai!

ps: You go, Calvin, should drag some of our married friends to do the same. LMAO... I still haven't recover from XMAS. Dammit!

Calvin Soo KJ said...

clef, still dreaming of the turkey and lamb leg :P

BongFlo said...

hi! seen you around eugene's blog and you really are one funny bloke! you made my day with this post of yours... bwahahahaha! first time to come over here and very happy to have done so. HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR! all the best. ciao!

GregChai said...

希望你和你的家人一个繁荣的新年 :)

p/s bro, wo gen ni yi yang, :D LOL, i manage to get my daughter to do this for me,

Joanne Lee said...

wai yu so tan?

hahahaha! this is funny!

anyway, happy cinaman new year! :D

angpao? :P

chrisau said...

kong hee fatt choy!!

reanaclaire said...

sigh..kor koong leen..just now while wrapping up ang pow, noticed that either the bank gave me 120rm short or i dropped 120rm..huhuhu... kek come not round number.. counted few times..10rm they gave me SHORT 120RM...AHHHHHH.....

foongpc said...

Haha! Very funny! Just keep laughing and laughing! Btw, wishing you a Happy & Prosperous CNY! : )

Rashai said...

Wishing you a wonderful, prosperous and successful new year bro...
Xin Nian Khuai Le..

Ai-Ling said...

Wishing u and Rach a Happy & Prosperous Lunar MOO Year :)

lcfu said...

gong xi fa cai, may the year of ox shower you lot of happiness and good health ya =)

Calvin Soo KJ said...

bongflo, me funny.....nah. drop by often bro. cheers :)

ungreg, wouldnt make a diff coz i just dont understand...hehehehe

joanne, cinaman new year...hahahaha. that's a good one. should've been ah beng new year.. :) angpao?? no more liao. pokai already.

chrisau, fatt choy chow chor....sam thong, yiu kuat thong, seng san thong.....thin ar....hehehehehe. this is what happens when you have a dialogue with a banana in cantonese.... :P

reana, aiyo. kesian, kesian.

foongpc, glad you liked it. smae-same to you too :)

rashai....woah. you write better mandarin than me...hehehehe. happy hols dude. :)

ailing....moo back. hehehehe :P

lcfu, and may your days be filled with much blessing from above. cheers mate :)