Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Think before you speak...

Here are some reasons why we should think before we speak. Have you ever spoken or uttered words and wished that you could immediately take those words back? Here are some testimonials that some who did.....

1st Testimony
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and 3 kids and asked loudly... "How much do you charge for a hair cut and a blow job?" After having said that, I quickly turned and walked out and never went back. My husband didnt say a word....he knew better.
2nd Testimony
I was at a golf store comparing different golf balls. I was unhappy with the womens' type I had been using. After several minutes, I was approached by one of the good looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said "I think I like playing with mens' balls."
3rd Testimony
My sister and I were at a mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed help. I looked up and immediately said "No. Im just looking at your nuts." My sister laughed hysterically. The boy grinned as I turned beet red and walked away. Till this day, my sister has never let me forget.
4th Testimony
While in line at a bank one fine afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of him after receiving looks of disgust from other patrons. I told him if he did not start behaving himself "right now", he would be punished. To my horror, he looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening "If you dont let me go right now, I will tell Grandma you kissed daddy's wee-wee last night." The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stop what they were doing. I mustered the last of my dignity and walked out the bank with my son in tow. The last thing I heard as the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.
5th Testimony
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times ? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that David had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No". I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clean clothes with me." Then I said, "David, are you SURE you didn't have an accident ?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. So, I asked one more time, "David, did you have an accident ?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS !!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An older couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had !
6th Testimony
This one had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow, but don't get any ? We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night ?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, they were laughing so hard!


eugene said...

thank bro for the advice,will embed in my mind,so that i dont have to squeeze my balls if wrong words are spoken...

chrisau said...

haha....thanks for the jokes!

Josephine said...

I always say "I am very hot" instead of "I am feeling very hot". hahaha

Calvin Soo KJ said...

eugene, no need to squeeze balls lar...hahahaha. kesian your wife pulak. just bite your tongue...lol

chrisau, youre most welcome my friend.. :)

josephine, whats wrong with that. i always say that...even when im not...hehehe :P

garfield said...

i've received these jokes in chain mails b4, but they are all in separate emails.

good to see all this jokes compiled into 1 post to read.

thx calvin

Rashai said...

Just wondering if you like having a hair cut and get a free blow...? :-)
btw, nice lay-out bro..


Kikey Loo said...

thanks for the jokes!
haha... i like them.. :D

Calvin Soo KJ said...

garfield, actually there are loads more. i decided to put in bit by bit otherwise if consume too much, might cause cirit-birit...hehehehe

rashai, ehmmm.....dont say it too loud. my mrs would hear... :P just changed my layout yesterday. glad you liked it. cheers...

kikey, i liked the 2nd one. got me laughing hard...lol. :)

GregChai said...

hahaha, this is very funny :)

Calvin Soo KJ said...

greg, glad you liked it. :)

cleffairy said...

OMG, that was hilarious. I actually laugh like some mad woman when I read this.

I like the first one. LOL... you're right la... blowing ur hair is also a blow job... adeihhhhh!

Calvin Soo KJ said...

clef, dont laugh too loud or your husband will think you have hysteria or something...hehehehe

cleffairy said...

He came to read oso and laugh lah, cuz I was laughing so hard and caught his attention when i was reading this post.