How will you react after knowing that you're going to be a father? Or rather, what is expected of you after becoming one?
*
One's answer would differ from each other. However, there are some predictable reactions, for example, after witnessing the birth of your child, most men would declare "That was the most amazing experience of my life." Alternatively, most parents would melt the first time they rocked his/her child in their arms. The father had to play a big role in his child's upbringing, failing which would end up in the child's catastrophy.
*
It is possible, and perfectly natural that doubts would arise in a man. He may dread that excessive involvement of a father in a child's life doesn't fit in with his mental picture of how a child should be brought up. This issue should not suprise anyone, especially the bigotries that have been so rife in our human society.
*
These are the same fears of "going against the grain" can also cause a mental torment for a man who wants to be involved in the tasks that have traditionally belonged to the mother eg bathing the baby, throwing away dirty diapers, feeding etc.
*
The very important thing to remember is that with the exception of the childbirth and breastfeeding, there isn't anything done by the mother that cannot be done by the father. I've noticed that there are several types of fathers, in this case I would only categorize them in three parts......The Instructor, The Worshipper & The Helper.
*
1. The Instructor
This is the typical Cina Apek type of father who only knows how to instruct his wife into doing stuff around the house as well as taking care of the baby. All he knows is making money to support the family. Being categorized as The Instructor does not mean you're a bad father. It is just that you are a stereotyped kinda guy who goes with the wind and believes that taking care of a child is the job of a woman. Well, my advise is.....take time to get involved in raising your child. The child needs a father, not a banker. If you truly need time to be away from home, make sure the time spent and shared with your family are memorable. There is no substitute for the quality of your time. Taking time off with your family also means that you'll get to know your child closer and understand the character of your child.
*
2. The Worshipper
This one has got no idea whatsoever. Whatever the wife does, he is in agreement, although he knows that it is not right. He simply says yes to everything. He also spents most of his time at work, busy working up late reason being to garner more salary for the family and mostly ignore the problems at home. "My wife does it all. She is a superwoman." In spite of this admirable intention, there are no new born babies that need the best of material things. What the child needs is to have your attention. Again, this type of father is not a bad father. He just needs to know when to step in, or rather when to be authoritative. Disciplining the child is both the parent's role, not only from one parent.
*
3. The Helper
This one know how to segregate his time from work and family. He know what's best for the family and spends quality time, in order to get involved in his child's upbringing. He shares the task of taking care of the baby late at night, helps his wife in every way he can. He plans weekly excursions for the family, especially with the infants and older children, and make sure that this is their time and tell them how much he looks forward for these moments. This is the type of father I would love to become. With much prayer and God's guidance, I know I can.
*
So folks, it is all up to you. Which type of father would you like to become. I cannot say any of the type is wrong. It could be that in the beginning you need to dedicate some extra time to learn new jobs. You may need to get up during the night or you may lose a few nights of sleep. There are plenty of hoops to jump through, but the rewards are there to be taken. There is no substitute to observing your child's early development with your own eyes, and there is no greather satisfaction greater than knowing that you have contributed and played an active part of it.
