Monday, April 18, 2011

Jokes....and summore jokes 18SX

It's Monday.....and I'm hating it. But just to make my day better, here are some jokes to share :-

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

*****

One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom of her garden.

"You're a goblin," she says, "I caught you and you owe me three wishes!". So the goblin replies "OK, you caught me fair and square, what's your first wish?". The woman stops and thinks for a second, "I want a huge mansion to live in.", goblins replies "OK, you've got it.". Woman again thinks it over, "My second wish is a Mercedes." "OK, you've got that too." "My last wish is a million dollars!". The goblin then says "OK, you've got it. But to make your wishes come true you have to have sex all night with me." "OK then, if that's what it takes..."

Next morning the little man wakes the woman up.

"Tell me," says the man, "how old are you?" "I'm 27", she replies.

"Fuck me", says the man, "27 and you still believe in goblins."

*****

How are women and tornadoes alike?

They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.

*****

A dog, a cat, and a penis are sitting around a camp fire one night. The dog says, "My life sucks, my master makes me do my business on a fire hydrent!". The cat says, "I don't think so, my master makes me do my business in a box of cat litter." The penis outraged, says "At least your master doesn't put a bag over your head and make you do push ups until you throw up!"


Saturday, April 16, 2011

LYNAS Rare earth production in Gebeng, Kuantan

I'm not sure if this has been passed down to the citizens of Malaysia, amidst the Sarawak elections which was the main agenda.

For the past few weeks, the people of Kuantan stood up and raised their concern over the construction of a RARE earth production facility in Gebeng Industrial Estate, Kuantan (approx 30km from Kuantan town). About 2 years ago, the Pahang government approved the project by LYNAS Corp, Australia to construct the facility. Little did we know of its consequences. Little did we know that this facility will be creating a mass dump site of radioactive waste at the back of our homes.

Just some background on RARE earth materials (I'm no chemist, but these are some of what I've gathered) :-
1. RARE earth materials are rare....(duh!). And it can only be found on limited parts of the world (it I'm not mistaken, I've read somewhere that there are only 3 locations in the world).
2. It is used in the making of iPhone, bombs, hybrid cars etc...
3. Currently, China donimates (in fact, they are the only ones!) the production of the materials coz no other countries would want it at their backyards....and that includes Australia.

Malaysia's last RARE earth project in Bukit Merah, the Asian Rare Earth (ARE) plant was a warning to us (that was back in the 1980s). Nearly 20 years since it was shut downed, till todate the site is still being cleaned up at a cost of over RM300m and has been linked to at least 8 cases of leukemia, 7 resulting in death. Have we not learned from the past?

LYNAS is claiming that the thorium (the radioactive element found in virtually all rare earth deposits) produced now is really really low. So much lower than that of Bukit Merah. Hence, there will be a low risk of high radiation exposure. But there's a saying that goes "Sikit-sikit, lama- lama jadi bukit". If you're exposed, it means you're exposed. Little or not does not matter. And if you're exposed for a very long time, chances are you are facing a high level of radiation. What say you?

And therefore, I am 100% against it. For my future, for my family's future, for my generations to come. I wouldn't want a miniature "Hulk" as my baby, now would I? So please do support our cause, the people of Kuantan's cause. You can click here to join in our group through Facebook.

Adios amigos!!

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Blog Revival!!!

So, its decided that my blog be revived to its former glory. I've been receiving many comments through my emails and FB messages on what the heck happened to this Ah Beng these past few months. Some made assumptions that I am dead, some thought I've changed sex, some said I've lost my way around the world and some still communicates with me through Facebook.

So, let me start the ball rolling by posting this "true" letter to all my beloved blogger buddies. Enjoy :)

ACTUAL LETTER TAKEN FROM THE TIMES OF INDIA .
RESPONSE TO A 'MARRIAGE PROPOSAL' ADVERTISEMENT!


MARRIAGE PROPOSAL REPLY IN PUNJABI ENGLISH



Madam :

I am an older young uncle living only with myself in Lahore . Having seen your advertisement for marriage purposes, I decided to press myself on you and hope you will take me nicely and easily.

I am a soiled son from inside Punjab . I am nice and big, six foot tall, and six inches long. My body is filled with hardness, as because I am working hardly. I am playing hardly also. Especially I like cricket, and I am a batter and I am a fast baller. Whenever I come running in for balling, other batters start running. Everybody is scared of my balls because they bounce a lot.

I am very nice man. I am always laughing loudly at everyone. I am happy and I am gay. ladies, they are saying I am nice and soft. Am always giving respect to the ladies. I am always allowing ladies to get on top. That is how nice I am. I am not having any bad habits. I am not drinking and I am not sucking cigarettes or anything else. Every morning I am going to the Jim and I am pumping like anything. Daily I am pumping and pumping. If you want you can come and see how much I am pumping the dumb bells in the Jim.

I am having a lot of money in my pants and my pants is always open for you. I am such a nice man, but still I am living with myself only. What to do ? So I am taking things into my own hands everyday... That is why I am pressing myself on you, so that you will come in my house and take my things into your hands.

If you are marrying me madam, I am telling you, I will be loving you very hard every day.. fact, I will stop pumping dumb belles in the Jim. If you are not marrying me madam and not coming to me, I will press you and press you until you come. So I am placing my head between your nicely smelling feet looking up with lots of hope.

I am waiting very badly for your reply and I am stiff with anticipation.

Expecting soon

Yours and only yours

Choudhary Warraich,------------------
born by mother in Okara
and become big in Lahore ,
Punjab